‘We have publicly-funded child abuse in Wales’
Reflection — By Neil McEvoy on July 8, 2010 7:00 am
I love you, goodbye: is a father's love too often overlooked?
I AM SAT in a neat front room, holding a cup of tea. I glance around and see photos of a boy on the mantle piece and on two walls. The photos trace the early days after birth, toddling years, nursery and early school. In the last picture, the boy looks about eight-years-old. School certificates are placed prominently in neat frames, taking pride of place. The room is a shrine to this child. I turn and look into the man’s eyes and see a forlorn look, sad, with lines around the eyes and forehead; the signs of early ageing, caused by the anguish of a broken heart.
“I have lost him Neil, I have to accept that.”
He looks away into the distance, but there is no distance, just a blank wall. The man slowly continues, his eyes drop to the floor and then we again make eye contact.
“I’ve tried everything. My court orders are ignored. I have no money. My life savings have gone.”
In total, this man on a modest income has spent £16,000 trying to be a father to his son.
“I go to court and it’s so stressful. All the false allegations all over again. I’m drained, I can’t cope anymore. Everything is for the woman. My only comfort is that my son is back in school. I will just monitor his progress and accept that I won’t see him until he is 16. He will know the truth then and make up his own mind. I have to think of my kids here and my wife. If this carries on, my relationship will go down the pan as well. It’s so unfair.”
His voice peters out and he again looks into the distance.
“ Twelve months, I haven’t seen him for 12 months.” The sleepless nights are etched on his face.
His eyes close, his mouth closes, the skin around his lips tightens. His teeth bite together inside his mouth. He takes a deep breath and his eyes glaze over. In this moment, this man gives me his fight for his son. He is in the unenviable position of knowing he will lose everything if he does not step off the running machine of an emotional life zooming out of control. He takes the brave decision to protect, love and nurture the children from his second marriage and repair a relationship pushed to the edge by a vicious, misandrist system. He will always love his son, but from a distance, while the child-abusing mother receives help from third sector agencies and benefits from the state. The field of family conflict over children is a sick industry, driven by the cult of the victim. The child comes bottom of the list.
We will call the man John and use other made-up names, but all details are true. John split up from his first wife eight years ago. Bored by a routine family life and dissatisfied with the routine of motherhood, Sandra walked out, leaving John and their child. The bright lights of bars, booze and fun beckoned. Sandra saw her baby sporadically, leaving John as the primary carer. Baby Paul grew up and went to school. He was well turned out, with an excellent attendance rate. He was the apple of his dad’s eye. Mum’s life was chaotic, coloured with booze, drugs, promiscuity and a broken string of short-term relationships. The divorce came through and John worked hard to let his son know how loved he was.
When Paul was five, John met Katy at the school gates. They fell in love and he remarried. Sandra’s contact with her child was still unreliable and bitterness at John’s new-found happiness boiled to the surface, causing problems on occasions. As time went by Sandra wanted to see more of her son and John was happy to facilitate contact. It was eventually extended to overnight stays at weekends. He was glad that his son’s mother was taking an interest in her child. He also appreciated the down time alone with his wife.
With Dad, Paul read books and had a regular bedtime. He was a good lad in school. At mother’s, however, Paul enjoyed watching films, late television programmes, burgers and his Gameboy. He had no bedtime. The difference in parenting approaches became a cause of conflict. Mum was cool, Dad was boring. John was worried by what he was hearing from his son. He suspected his ex-wife was criticising him, portraying him in a bad light. He wasn’t sure what to do about this. Paul turned eight in the summer of 2008.
One Sunday afternoon, John received a call from social services. He was told that a number of allegations of abuse had been made against him by the mother. She claimed to have been a former victim of domestic abuse and alleged that John had harmed Paul. John had difficulty in absorbing the phone call, particularly when told that his son would not be returned. He can still recall him thumping heart in his chest and sick feeling in his stomach. When he put the phone down the a room spinning. He could hardly speak.
Paul was happy for social services to investigate. He had nothing to hide. He felt sure he would be cleared and reunited with his son. Within days, however, the mother, supported by a third sector women’s support group, had filed an ex parte application in court and she was granted temporary residence. John was not allowed to see Paul. John filed papers in court and was told that he could see his son in a contact centre.
More and more allegations were made. Reports were written by the third sector group and submitted to social services. The reports described John as a violent monster who had beaten his ex-wife, controlled her and had bullied his son. To John’s horror, he discovered that his son had made allegations of bullying and violence. Matters got worse when John was accused of threatening to kill his son and ex-wife. The police arrested him and questioned him. His son and ex-wife had both made the allegations.
After interviewing the boy, the police decided not to proceed and exonerated John. His son had changed his story. The mother was not arrested for wasting police time.
More and more fabrications were thrown at John. Mother moved to the other side of the city, but the judge ruled that Paul must remain in the same school. His attendance dropped and he moved anyway, in spite what the judge said. It was noted in reports that Paul was often tired in school. Mother blamed noisy neighbours who made their lives hell. There was no punishment for ignoring the judge.
The social services investigation took six months of emotional turmoil for Paul, and six months of hell for John and Katy.
Men who enter the field of family law are faced with a sometimes most awful thing: the status quo. After six months, the status quo was that Paul lived with mother. She was granted a residence order.
The city’s children’s services noted that Paul had no memories of the violent abuse of his mother, but she “helped him remember.” Paul had also withdrawn the allegations of abuse against his father. The conclusion was that the boy was making it up. Perversely, Dad’s opinion that Mother was poisoning his son’s mind was ignored. A female social worker concluded that Paul was making up these stories because he wanted to stay with his mother.
Soon after the residence and contact order was made, Sandra and Paul disappeared. Through diligent enquiries and chance, John discovered that they were in a neighbouring town, 10 miles from the city. The city’s social services department closed their files on Paul and it was up to a new children’s services department to look out for him.
Sandra would not let John see his son. He went back to court and faced more allegations. Each time he went to court, the mother, on legal aid, was accompanied by a support worker, funded by the public purse. Another third sector women’s support group buying a story from a skilled player of the system.
Paul’s attendance at school went through the floor. It was noted by staff that he arrived at school smelling of urine. There were disturbing incidents of Paul banging his head against a wall, saying that he deserved to die. He also spoke of hanging himself. All this was noted and he was placed on the child protection register. With Dad, Paul had always received glowing school reports.
On finally reaching another hearing on residence, John was confident that he would get his boy back. Perversely, the judge adjourned and went on holiday. He gave a ruling from away. Mother was to retain residency and Dad was to be given contact. The judge was swayed by the intervention of the third sector women’s support group.
John never got to see his son again. The order was again broken and there has been no punishment for the mother. She is still being supported and is said to be on medication. She was also warned by police for harassing neighbours. Another allegation, this time of a teacher hitting Paul was made and formally investigated. The allegation was found to have no substance.
I became involved in the case when the mother unilaterally withdrew Paul from school. With no qualifications, it is perfectly legal for a parent to do such a thing if they notify the local education authority in writing. There is no supervision of the kind of education that the child will receive. Education officials admit informally that the system is mad. Paul is still on the child protection register. Children’s services only acted in this case and began to include Dad after several strong written and verbal interventions from me. The particular authority, which I will not name, is an absolute disgrace. After the fuss we made, Paul was returned to school and Dad is monitoring progress without ever seeing his boy.
The National Assembly for Wales needs to quickly get a grip on this outrageous abuse of public money and basic gender discrimination against men. Discrimination against all parents who do not reside with their children also urgently needs to be addressed.
It is time that people had the courage to face the fact that we have publicly-funded child abuse in Wales and in the UK . I am aware that this is a strong statement to make. I made the same point in a Cardiff Council meeting on June 17 this year. Essentially, it is emotionally distressing and damaging for any child to be denied contact and a relationship with a loving parent. Many third sector groups all over Wales make it much easier for mothers to do this. In some cases men behave in this disgusting way, too. Instead of facilitating contact, the groups will support the mother in withdrawing contact and the child suffers. They also support those breaking court orders. This is a scandal and it must be challenged. It takes fathers a long time to get back into their children’s lives. It takes the children a lot longer to overcome the trauma.
The group that wrote that report on John and others verify nothing. There is no due diligence. There is no investigation or checking of what they are told. In my anecdotal experience of casework, fantasy is represented as fact and children are denied their right to a relationship with two loving parents.
In dealing with another case, I spoke to a support worker from a different third sector women’s support group. She was actively supporting a mother who was breaking her court order – indeed, she was brazenly proud of doing so. She refused to tell me what qualifications she had. The support worker could also not answer my question as to why she knew better than a CAFCASS officer and a court of law, which had ruled that it was in the child’s best interest to see his father. The organisation has no policy on breaking court orders. Nobody takes responsibility for publicly funded contempt of court. The organisation is not respecting the United Nations Children’s Rights Charter.
In Cardiff , the council is looking at this matter, questioning whether or not it is appropriate for the authority to fund organisations who behave in such a way. Other local authorities and the Welsh Assembly Government needs to do the same, as should governments in England , Scotland and the north of Ireland .
The law must change. As long as I have a breath in my body, this is what I will campaign for. Below is a poem I received from a Dad. It says it all.
Tags: children, Family law, mother, parentsDAD TO CHILD
You were born; I almost fainted,
I was going to commission an artist to get you painted!
You brought me joy I cannot describe,
I am trying my best, but I am not really a scribe.
Seeing your big blue eyes and lovely smile,
Made me so happy all the while.
“Ah dad!” you sighed with your head in my chest,
A small moment in time, but it was the very best.
You’re always in my thoughts, but I’m not there now,
Life my dearest girl had become one big row.
I tried not to bite, not wanting to fight.
I left as told and unknowingly gave up my right.
I thought that leaving was best for you,
That was a decision my love I came to rue.
Putting you to bed you were always wriggling,
Your smile in the morning always had me giggling.
Laughing and chuckling all the time,
I was so thankful you were mine.
It was cruel to say I was not your father,
The DNA test made sure I was not in a lather.
I want the best for you, I lie awake at night,
I am a man though child, I have no right.
My love, I want to be your dad,
Why in the world does that make me so bad?
I want to protect you as I might,
I’m sorry love, I don’t have the right.
I worry about the alcohol you have to drink,
I pray it does not affect your ability to think.
As I lie awake again in bed,
I hope I can be a proper dad before I am dead.
I paid the nursery bills and asked them to call,
They never bothered, I’m only your father after all.
I ask your doctor for basic information,
They refuse it as if I am hardly a relation.
Where’s it going I don’t know,
Discovering I am just a father is a real blow.
I’ll stop writing now because I need to sleep,
Your dad will always fight for you child and he’ll try not to weep.
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59 Comments
Point of accuracy (again). Having Welsh ancestry and a PM who emigrated when she was five does not an expert on the British legal system make.
And if you make another attempt or inference to associate either the author or posters here on the site with any sort of abuse, you will be prevented from posting here. This site has a clear policy – attack the argument, not the man. You don’t win a debate by smearing.
I think this debate has more or less run its course. Mr Pragnell, your lack of detail regarding FNF and F4J illustrates your accuracy generally. In Wales in recent years, Women’s Groups have received £11m in funding, whereas men’s group have received £250,000k in the same period. This is replicated at local authority level.
I am always happy to be informed and advised, but I do think Mr Pragnell that there is a huge credibility gap with you. I understand your niche in the market. The industry to which I refer presents you with your living.
I have not got a great deal of time or fundamentalists or extremists in any field. I will finish my comment here.
In Wales, politically we are just beginning with this. Forward to equality and rights for children!
May we invite you to join the UK wide class action for all familes in the UK?
Dear All,
The Class Action has been filed in Courts now including the International Court of Justice, International Criminal Court and the Supreme Court.
Now we need YOU to help us! We are looking for more names to be added to the list (that is already into the hundreds) and for you to spread the word, outside facebook!
Anyone can inbox either myself or James Moore to be included in this action, or email us via the website! Even if you just need to know what this action is all about, just ask us!
http://www.freedom-advocacy-law.co.uk/
We are doing everything to make this biggest fight for children and parents ever, but we need you to help! Its you who have the strongest fight for your children, so make it something they cannot ignore and join the Class Action.
Sam Hallimond.
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James R Moore, mFLS – Senior Practicing Partner
Nottingham, England.
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On 1 July 2010, Freedom Advocacy & Law filed CLASS ACTION against the Family Division Courts of the United Kingdom and the Local Authorities operating within the Statutory jurisdiction of same.
We are now in regular communications with the ICJ with a view to progressing the Action in the Court.
The full text of the CLASS ACTION base argument can be found at the bottom of this page.
The official release of the document and ancillary documents is now live. If you wish to add your name to the Class Action (it is not too late!), please send details as follows, to
class.action@freedomlaw.co.uk or
class.action@freedom-advocacy-law.co.uk
Your Name;
Your full postal address;
The case Number (will be on all court orders; if there is more than one case number, please supply all of them);
A brief (2-3 line) description of the reasons given for the Orders.
We shall, in due course, reply to all emails sent to this address to request hardcopy (photocopies accepted and recommended) of orders, threshold documents, bundle indexes and judgements to be sent to one of our offices in Europe.
NOTE:
Class Period: 14 October 1991-Present
Class Qualification: Care Orders issued pursuant to the Children Act 1989 (c. 41), subsequent adoption or other such orders (if any)
Who can file as Class Litigants: Anybody who’s Name appears on CA1989 applications and/or Orders.
Niel, there are many, many people around the world who are watching your progress with interest and a sense of ‘at last’. It is rare for anyone in any position of authority or influence to ask the hard questions about the parlous state of the Family Court system and its legions of fat, dumb, medatious and malicious hangers-on.
Go for it, Sir. You put some needed integrity back into politics.
Just writing to say that I have been going through a very similar experience for the last 6 years and have spent approximately £20000 in defending myself against false accusation of abuse against my son. Most recently social services have completely ignored all the previous accusations that were totally disproved in court and backed by ex who is stopping contact with my son because she has manipulated my son into saying that he does not want to see his Dad. When my son said that he wanted to tell the truth about his mother he was ignored as a proven liar, yet each time that she gets him to make false accusations against his father or simply says that he does not want to see his father, contact is stopped and I have to pay to take her back to court again and again. Each time the judge tells her off and threatens to make her pay expenses and then backs down at the last moment.
The judge sent my son along to CAMHS for a mental health assessment because he was making up these lies supposedly on his own without any input from his mother. CAMHS thankfully have stated that my son is not mentally ill which raises the question of why he is making up these lies. It is the fact that both the courts and Social Services refuse to even consider the suggestion that the mother is behind the lies that leads me to suspect that it is not just in Wales that we have publicly funded child abuse. If there is anyone out there who would be willing to help me defend myself and my son against this abuse then I would love to hear from you.
Desmond, I am assuming you have a court order in place with regard to contact with your child? If his mother is stopping contact you should ideally instruct your solicitor to have a penal notice attached to the existing order which should prevent mother from stopping contact. I say ideally because this is meant to work, the problems arise when one parent decides she does not understand the terms of the court order in the first instance and those involved in upholding the order ie. the police, simply do not understand what the order is about!
You dont mention CAFCASS. A good CAFCASS officer should be able to negotiate through any false accusations, as, I would expect, a good social worker should. A judge will listen to a court appointed ‘guardian’ such as CAFCASS in regard to false accusations and make his mind up from there. You can request a CAFCASS officers involvement in court.
I have no personal experience with CAHMS ( I turned down their offer of ‘help’ as I felt it was a ploy to further muddy issues already spiralling out of control) or Social Services, however I am still waiting a month on for a return phone call from Childrens Services.
I would have suggested that you get in touch with other dads going through the same thing, but I dare say that after 6 years you probably know how the whole rigmarole goes by now.
Keep the faith and good luck.
I don’t pretend to be an expert on this subject, but I can talk from experience and from observation.
My parents split up when I was 18; my choice was to not contact my father once I left. Although never physically violent, he mentally abused my mother and I, constantly putting us down and subjecting us to the mercy of his moods. A set of GCSE results which put me in the top 15% of my year wasn’t good enough for him and left my maths teacher to be the first person to congratulate me. His best friends once had to put us up for the night after he locked us out of the family home during one of his tantrums because he was told at a party to stop being a miserable git and to dance with my mother – his wife of 21 years at that point. That was the point where his behaviour was laid open for all to see. After nine years, I still have one or two people who occasionally encourage me to contact him, but my continued response is that I have nothing to say to him.
Two of my closest friends are single parents with residency – one a father, the other a mother. In both cases, I freely admit that I only know one side of the story.
In the case of the father, his wife walked out leaving the children behind. My friend was awarded custody in what appears to have been the simplest case ever of a father having custody. Obviously, he does resent his ex for treating him and their children in this manner, but he has never denied their access to her and even actively encourages the eldest to spend time with her even though the child rarely wants to.
In the case of my other friend, the mother, she broke off the relationship as she believed it had deteriorated beyond repair and she believed that her young child’s best interests were to have two parents who got on apart, than parents at war under the same roof. The father has accused my friend of the most disgusting things to get social services to take their child away from their mother, but regularly cuts short or fails to turn up for scheduled visits. He has admitted to staking out her home and monitoring her movements, but the police are not interested in getting involved in “yet another domestic”. There is a very young child in the middle of all this and all the father seems to be interested in is point scoring against his ex. Again, I stress that I don’t know the father myself and that I only know one side of the story, but when such a young child whispers to you that they don’t want to see their daddy, it is possibly one of the most heart breaking things you can hear.
In an ideal world, parents wouldn’t split up; they would stay together forever in a happy and loving relationship. Unfortunately, this isn’t an ideal world, but surely the “grown ups” should have enough sense to realise that a child needs to have a loving relationship with both parents and for that to happen then they have to get on, if only to ensure their child is happy.
This is probably too late as I’m good at being late for everything.
The above is similar to what I went through when my wife died and the continuous accusations from the social services and my late wife’s family almost drove me to suicide. It got to a point after more accusations by the social services of neglect and possible future emotional abuse and possible sexual abuse (I would never ever hurt a child or anyone else) and the ex-in-laws (they were banned from my house) of having a dirty home messy home etc. I spent £16000 getting the house gutted and redone, and previous to that my new girlfriend was upstairs listening to what they were accusing me of and couldn’t believe it. The place was spotless and still they said it was dirty and that I was a bad parent and had to go to more core meetings.
I had six children and made sure they were clean, tidy and well fed. They said the children were dirty and ate only takeaway foods one minute then the next they said the kids had never ate a hot meal. I cooked to the best of my abilities and it wasn’t bad, nor always takeaways. Only on a Thursday sometimes did I have a rest and order a takeaway when I said I couldn’t get the children ready for school in time as 3 are handicapped they said what you want us to do feed and dress them for you.
They caused me so much upset by deliberate lying even in family court and joined forces (they were giggling and laughing all through the court case and had to be told to stop by the judge on numerous occasions) with the ex-in-laws that I ended up with a nervous breakdown and gave up my children but kept the eldest with me.
Fast forward 8 years my eldest and the next down has re-established contact after being warned by social services. They had too as I wouldn’t let them, they are associating with drug addicts and prostitutes the next one down is addicted to drugs and has a pregnant girlfriend. My daughters don’t want to know me as I live 300 miles away and on minimum wage and cant see them and social services won’t help me. I miss my children the way I raised, them not the way social services and the ex in-laws are raising them. I don’t like drugs or violent people but social services want this and are encouraging it. I worry and fret about them all the time.
There is more to this – much more – but no space to elaborate.
It is not always in the best interest (as so many judges think) for the child to be left with the mother. There are so many social workers with “SO CALLED DEGREES”:that have never experienced or known anyone who has gone through what these kids are going through. The sooner these degrees are not recognised and people who have life experience (been in and lived in the real world)the better. In my experience you can have a degree in anything to qualify for a lot of jobs. Lets get the real people living in the real world involved!!!!!