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Great for after the pub, but our restaurants need to up their game

MANY of you will know the scene well. A lovely location, views across the Bristol Channel, the perfect company, a nice glass of cold, white wine.

What came next was some kind of boulder that had been dipped in the sea and fried into a carcass of fluro orange sand. The menu said it was fishcake, but I begged to differ when the waiter approached.

“Everything alright, sir?”

“No, actually.”

Cue look of shock and horror, but not a tilt of the head and query of, “OK, what was wrong?” Instead, the waiter muttered ‘Oh’, cleared the table and shuffled off.

It didn’t end there. It appeared that my treatment of the waiter had given offence to the couple sitting opposite, as they loudly offered to one another (though I fear it was meant for me): “Well, I liked it, I liked our fish pie. I mean, it’s just a fish pie”. Not the same as fishcake, but they left before I had a chance to point out the difference.

This experience typifies all that is wrong with Welsh restaurants. Of course, there are good places to eat. But they remain too few and too far between all the hostelries that offer lasagne kept warm with gamma rays or – far worse – places with pretension to quality that extends only as far as the prices.

But what makes it worse is that we are so ready to defend such mediocrity, as if speaking ill of Welsh cuisine is the same as saying that we can’t cut it as a nation, that we are backward, that – worst of all – England is better.

it’s time to separate out this argument, because if we don’t, we’ll find ourselves permanently frequenting the kind of place I experienced a couple weeks back – a carvery complimented with a range of curries. When I inquired of the chef in charge of the heat haze as to the reasoning behind this clash of cuisines, he replied: “You can have the carvery and, when you’re done, you can have the Indian as well”.  I give the establishment 10 out of 10 for its ‘fill your boots’ effort, but I wondered how this offer to gluttons reflects upon us, our expectations and eating habits, as I tucked into the beef roast, mopping up the gravy with my naan.

Top of the change list must be those chain bars, the kind of places that already charges a 50p premium on a pint of lager so that we may sup surrounded by glass and chrome. The gap in food quality is so wide that you could drive a galaxian space fleet through the middle. Some have chefs that really care, while others will charge a tenner for a salad Nicoise served with – you guessed it – tinned tuna. A premium tuna steak costs consumers £4, so you can only guess at the mark up once trade prices are taken into account.

Next comes those establishments that waste a great location. You know at least one: looks great from the outside, with a beer garden boasting the best view in Wales. But walk through the door and the nostrils are immediately assaulted with the whiff of stale chip fat. No one should ever choose from the menu of a restaurant, hotel or inn that can’t be bothered to change its traps regularly.

We shouldn’t be afraid of learning from the English. If you live in South Wales, you only need go as far as Bristol. Although it has its fair share of the usual suspects (and there is nothing wrong with Nando’s, for what it is), it does have a thriving independent gastronomic scene and a waterfront that many of us could only wish for here.

There is plenty to learn from in Wales, too. We have become terribly good again at producing food, from meat to cheese to liquers, with pretty much everything in between. So sourcing is far more straightforward. And there are some fine establishments, too. Bully’s, in Llandaff in Cardiff, is a great example. It only opens in the evenings with just eight covers and a relatively uncomplicated (but forever changing) menu. But it’s the attention to detail that keeps customers going back – keep it simple, do it well.

Poor food isn’t a problem only confined to Wales. In France, the heart of world gastronomy, many of its bistros and auberges are losing out to fast food. This may well be a sign of the times. But quality ensures repeat business, and it seems folly to base sales success upon a philosophy of “pack ‘em in, feed ‘em up, ship ‘em out”, because it takes no account of poor food and service, which contributes towards ensuring a first time customer is never seen again. It may also explain why so many restaurants – as many as 3,000 a year, according to some figures, have to close.

People in Wales deserve better, and while we are all aware that restaurants operate on tight margins, that seems to be the fall back position when quality is criticised, rather than providing the spur for innovative marketing that doesn’t compromise food or quality. Rather than battoning down the hatches, now is the time for our eateries to up their game.